... I had stumbled upon the last conversation I ever had with Liz. And man was I pathetic. I was still really crushing on her hard even though I knew she had a boyfriend at the time, someone who was arguably much better for her than I was. Well, I did get back in touch with Danny at the time, I still have him on my FB friends if I ever wanted to talk to him again. But, I've been so upset at myself over what happened, even though, as hard as it is for me to admit, it wasn't my fault. Yes, I didn't help matters any by trying to help her, in fact my worst fear is that I enabled her in the worst way possible, but I can't let myself think that it would cause her to do this. All she did was apologize to me and she had started saying she was a dope fiend. I thought her whole thing was about disproving that negative stereotype about users. But I also remember clinging onto false hope that she would miraculously be alright in the end.
A number of things happened since then that I don't remember if I talked about or not. For one thing I tried to sneak out of the house and run away, even going so far as to hitchhike. I couldn't legally drive a car and I got a bit further than one of the bridges in Dubuque. I was pulled over by some cops though, and they asked me some questions. I legit didn't know that hitchhiking was illegal. What harm does that really do to anybody anyhow? I hoofed it a lot of the way though, so my leg was sore as Hell, and when I caved in and called my mom for a ride home she was upset. Not even yelling just trying to find the upside to the situation but you could hear it in her voice she was mad.
Some time passed, IDK how long but Danny finally did call me. This was in an earlier entry. I don't remember much of the conversation but I remember asking where he had last seen her, and I think he said that he dropped her off at home. I also talked to her mom Mary. I was afraid of the police getting involved because she had a criminal record and I was worried that instead of trying to help her they would try to incarcerate her. This is precisely the problem I have with drug use being a felony though, when these people can't even rely on the police for help, who do these people have to turn to? If people really have a problem with drug use, I've always felt like rehabilitation over incarceration was a better approach. Or was there a better way? In any case the war on drugs should end, and I'm going to cite the prohibition as a good reason why. If you try to control a substance, people will find a way to get it whether we like it or not, so why not allow them to get this legally rather than illegally? And I think Liz made a good point about there being no competition, so the ones who DO use pay more for it. Ending the drug war can solve a lot of the problems with drug use. Substance control is a stupid idea if you really think about it.
The government has a lot of other problems though, guess we should tackle it one step at a time. If we're not ready for Anarchy than maybe Minimalism is the next best thing (by which I mean few governing laws and they're only laws most people morally wouldn't break anyway), at least until people are smart and more well informed than they are now. Perhaps our whole culture has to change for that to happen.
Before I go to sleep what I found interesting was that Danny had the same name as a kid that used to live down the street from me. I used to live at 724 Oak Street in Geneva, but the place belongs to someone else now. This kid lived further up Simpson I think it was, it's been a while but the interaction between Oak St. and Simpson Ave was kinda weird. But the kid I remember from my childhood would always come to our house and he'd always ask for food, I remember that much. But apparently when I asked him if he was the same Danny, he said he wasn't, so I guess whoever that guy was is elsewhere. Where exactly, IDK. But just a lot of these negative thoughts I've been having were something I needed to air out. I just wish I knew more about what was going on because even some of the stuff I was saying at the time bothers me. I couldn't even imagine what misery she was going through that she'd think that ending her life would be the best day of her life. In a way I'm thankfully some of those people didn't end up on my shit list, but it's given me a lot to think about. All I can do is try to right what is wrong with society today. IDK if I'll be successful but I have to try.
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