Where do I begin...

It all started when I was cleaning my email tonight. I ran into some old posts and I thought about a certain someone who was dear to me. A lot has happened. I've found employment with a major corporation. My parents are separated. Not divorced, separated. There's a difference. My sister is being manipulated by some D-bag while she has an order of protection against him. And, I'm moving in with an old friend, someone I know and have trusted... And that I haven't always been fair to. I publish this in confidence hoping to keep my professional and personal life seperate, but I take a huge risk. See, these corporations can see a lot. Hear a lot. They may even see this and I could lose my job as I've come to be anti big business lately. Along the way I discovered the cyberpunk genre, and it speaks to a lot of deep rooted sentiments I've held, something that that "certain someone" awakened me to. I'll admit, I used to be flippant, maybe even ignorant, and half the time I had my foot in my mouth, but I've been exposed to a lot, and can understand a lot more than I did. But I'm still unaware of a lot, too, I'll admit it. That said, my closest friends know I'm open about not EXACTLY being an anarchist, but having viewpoints that align with it. Organized government more often than not is crooked. But, I texted that certain someone tonight, despite the fact that she's long gone... Told her I was watching that CHAZ, how I was interested in what a self-governing society would be like, only for it to fall to ID-Politics. Even if we could somehow liberate ourselves from oppressive forms of government and beauracracy, humanity by and large is ignorant, they find something different about you and will not embrace it, but use it to divide people into groups and segregate one-another. And if that wasn't enough, somehow the largest corporations had survived the economic crisis that COVID-19 bought about. It's given me the impression that they're too big to fail, if money truly does rule the world. All of which has made me feel hopeless tonight. The one person who could have freed me from this way of life is gone. I am trapped in a system which everyone is convinced is just the way things are. But through knowing that "certain someone" I have become an athiest. I have embraced anarchy, but do not believe people to be enlightened enough to rule themselves and be fully autonomous. It's given me time to reflect on the state of things, but most of all, I've come out the other side a changed person. An angrier, deeply hurt person.