I didn't get one but to be honest Livejournal IS a journal. I'm glad it's still around but is it just me, or are all the options in Japanese? I actually studied it casually in my early college years. I was a big weaboo, not gonna lie, but I learned to read Katakana and Hiragana. I have a huge textbook of Kanji that I got from Barnes & Noble, never finished it or properly learned Kanji subjugation. Japense is such a different language from English but I digress.
So, I'm starting to post stuff on there that only I can see. Something to keep track of my thoughts, for the sake of my mental health. Maybe it will help me clear my head, but I'm struggling with feelings of guilt. I don't want to get into the "why" here, but there's a reason I've lately been blaming myself, I feel like I handled the situation horribly. How do you convince someone who has been in constant pain and suffering all their life that life is worth living? Basically what's bothering me is I felt like I handled my relationship with Liz as a friend poorly. I DID try to bail her out the time she shoplifted from Target but I couldn't do the same for Reade, we would've just been fortunate that his case got thrown out if Liz had stuck around for just a little longer, then this would have all turned out alright. Like maybe I shouldn't have gotten involved. Come to think of it IDK if I even knew where she was going when the car crash happened. It was her brother Jim's car that she crashed, I can't even imagine how awful she must've felt about that. There's just so much I didn't know about her life's circumstances, I was poorly equipped to help her out despite my immense desire to do so. But in the process of that I think I may have been bad for her. It's like I'm re-living certain moments of my life thinking of what I could've done differently to prevent this from happening. I could also be overthinking it though, but I still feel horrible about it.
On another topic though they say everyone gets their 15 minutes of fame and I've had family members that have had their's including my father. He was a train driver for Union Pacific, back when they were Chicago Northwestern. The guy hated unions mainly due to union dues, and I guess they had a strike once. I still feel like unionized labor is better than the alternative business model we have today, ideally how a union should work is that people can set their own wages, and if working conditions are bad they can go on strike. That's how it SHOULD be, workers should be able to demand good pay and good working conditions, but I guess in practice there are flaws that need to be worked out. No system we've come up with so far is effective, and hypercapitalism is the worst of it. But that's a whole different can of worms. Going back to the driving trains thing, he drove a train through the set of F.I.S.T. which is ironic because it's a movie ABOUT unionism. I wonder if there's more of a story behind it? I should ask him about it sometime.
Aside from that though I'm related to the Easton family. My dad had a cousin named Rex, I remember we went to his house one time, he had it pretty good. He had a trampoline in the backyard and a Sega Genesis, I remember playing that thing in his house while he was entertaining my folks. I had nearly beaten Sonic 2 that day, everyone was impressed by how good I was at it. But again, I digress. Point being there is a book that documents that side of the family, and they mention the birth of the twins, my fater Don and his brother Jon. The book is called Ten Sisters, it's about this custody battle. I hadn't read much of it but my sister has a copy of the book and she's letting me read it. So, that's what I'm going to be reading tonight to help calm my mind down. I also get a chance to learn about my family in the process.
One last thing before I end this post, I expect posts to this blog are going to be more infrequent. I need some time to write in my journal, too. The stuff I'm okay with being public will be posted here. I'll keep the private stuff for Livejournal. Good night for now.
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