The Cult of Wal*Mart.

So after adding a personalized message to a petition to keep Wal*Mart out of New York, it struck me. I think people may, whether they want to admit it or not, WORSHIP Wal*Mart! I mean, how else do you explain why people will try to defend the biggest sweatshop corporation in the world? They can get away with it because Wal*Mart has everything people are looking for, and all at a low price! People don't understand the economics behind it. They don't see the sweatshops in China, the wage slaves in the U.S., and the amount of discrimination that happens in some of their stores. All they see is they're getting what they want cheaper at Wal*Mart. And even if you told them, they either wouldn't believe you, or they wouldn't care. I should know. My family is one of those families that worship Wal*Mart. And it bugs me.

In response to this, I felt inspired to create my own, home-brewed website to hang a lampshade over how much people worship the corporation. Well, people have already made sites. Plain text and stuff, nothing fancy. But I would take it a step further. I wanted to make it the OFFICIAL site of the cult of Wal*Mart. So, the premise was something like this; You would enter the site, and you'd see a little welcome screen, talking about the Cult of Wal*Mart, and you'd see the smiley. On the bottom you'd have an about button, and it would give you the amount of members, people who worship Wal*Mart (it could even be based on actual research, you never know!) Further into the site, you'd hear about their mission, and then you'd start seeing symbols littered across the site. It's no longer the smiley, now, you'd start to see different religious icons. Christianity, Islam, Judaism, stuff like Ying Yangs, and other spiritual stuff, it's all going to be there. And then you venture further, and you start seeing much darker icons, pertaining to the Illuminatis, the Freemasons, and finally, the disembodied head of J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, for good measure. Maybe even a mural of the flying spaghetti monster at the very bottom of the page. Finally, you would arrive at the initiation video. It will consist of one of those hypnotic swirlies, complete with a flashing smiley, which would be a simple 2-frame animation of the Wal*Mart smiley, one normal, and one with the colors inverted. Also, throughout the site, you'd be hearing chanting. I chose Dies Irae, an old Gregorian chant, since I doubt anyone would have the copyrights to it (and if it IS, copyrighted, well, then, whoever you are, you're a piece of shit for privatizing CHANTING, and I wish an eternal life of pain and suffering on you!) Then, on the initiation video, I'd use "Giygas' Intimidation" from the Earthbound OST, because no one really CARES about that copyright anymore since NoA apparently can't defend its Mother games (Dali's Clock being the official key reason. Fucking copyright laws.) I would also probably throw in a demonic-sounding version of the Wal*Mart cheer, to drive home the effect of being brainwashed.

... But it looks like the site will never be made. I was hoping for my own domain name, something like thecultofwalmart.com or something to that effect. But you have to pay for those. The only way to do that for free is to set up a computer as a server, and I can't even begin to tell you how complicated the process is, let alone the risk to not 1, not 2, but 3 computers that share the same network with the would-be server computer. Say some right wing zealot decided that they love Wal*Mart with all their heart like some blind zealot, and decides it is in his best moral interest to hack my site because I offended their god. I would be putting my entire home network in danger! So, there goes my inspiration to bring a corporate Goliath down to size. I guess I'll have to find some other way to subvert the corporation. Or maybe even the "dominant paradigm" my late friend turned me on to...